A Slice of My Life
This is an anonymous letter to everyone who is going through the same thing.
I'm a junior at Barstow High school and im stressed. I know, I know every typical teenager says the same thing, but it's true. We are all stressed out! Some of us are stressed out because homework piles up, some are stressed out because they just don't understand the work, some of us are stressed out because we never feel good enough, we are stressed out because Bobby loves Martha and not me, and Becky said Linda was the schools emo so now we cant “hang with her”, and our best friends are going through a break up and you want to be there for them, but the point is we are all stressed out over something. Me though, I'm stressed out because I never feel good enough.
I mean that. I'll try and do my chemistry work but I just don't understand it and I'll end up getting 2 out of 16 or 5 out of 20, why do we need to understand the Aufbau Principle anyways, shoot i can barely say the word. And man does math kick my behind sometimes, or more like all the time, I mean seriously who knows the difference between Quadratic and Polynomial Equations because I certainly don't, i'm in business math which is the lowest math i can take for my grade. I stay up late at night just trying to do my work, and no I don't always look up the answers to my homework because I feel I can do it but the truth is i cant and sometimes I give up on myself and I just google it, that's the only way I can get a good grade in those classes. I just can't, i can't do the work if i have no idea what I'm even trying to talk about or even how to solve the equation, there's so many different ones, which one do I use? Im just trying to pass, im just trying to get through my stupid classes to get to what i accually want to do in life.
Oh, but that's another thing that really does give me extreme anxiety when all I can focus on is that I'm failing my two worst classes and I want to get accepted into some type of University. I'm obsessed with getting into college, and i mean every part of that word, i'm obsessed! I'm constantly looking at Universities and looking in to what I want to do, which by the way I still have not the slightest idea of what I want to do, but I just know I need to go but i feel like i won't. Im scared I hate looking at colleges because it scares the crap out of me but I can't stop, everytime I look at at an acceptance rate it almost kills me inside. With my luck id never get in to a school with an acceptance rate any lower than 70, I screwed up my freshman year BIG time , I had a boyfriend, or maybe I should say have because I'm still with him, he just doesn't come here anymore because of how bad he screwed up, but thankfully he isn't like that anymore. But anyways, I was nearly close to having all Fs at one point and that didnt bother me, not a moment did I even think twice but know im scared, becuase of how stupid I was. Seriously though should I feel this way? Because when I say I'm trying to just get through high school but I can't get through math or chemistry,what do I think college is going to be like, won't it be harder. I dont think im college material most of the time. But I just have to go. Im confused on what I should do.
Another thing I'm scared about with college is how do I apply, I know I can look it up and trust me I have but what all do I need, what I go through, how far should I go, do I go out of state or not? How can my family pay for it!? I'll be the first to just finish High School in my family. My family doesn't know much or slightly about the college world. Part of why im always trying to look into it, I have to know if im going to go.
Im crazy, I feel almost over dramatic sometimes when it comes to school , but how can you not be, it's literally my entire life on the line of failure and successes. Its okay though I might be stressed, scared and worried but I know I'll make it. I'm determined to make it.