At The End Of The Day

At The End Of The Day

By Starr Perkins

Have you ever felt a wave of confusion?

Like you didn't fully understand what was happening around you?

Well that's exactly how I feel. I've been in this band for five years now and dealt with alot of pain, mostly mentally but sometimes physically. At times I wanted to just take a break and quit but I knew I couldn't do that. She wouldn't have wanted me to. I think about her everyday and so do the rest of the boys, but it hits me the hardest. I remember her laugh, her smile, and those gorgeous blue eyes that reminded me of the ocean. I try not to think about her too much but it's kinda hard not to think about someone who you loved so much, I loved her. The day she died was the day that I lost myself, I was unable to feel for months and I still can't feel. I ask people what to do but just tell me ´lad it'll take time there's no need to worry´ but they were so wrong, all I did was worry, I wanted to feel what it was like to laugh again, to smile again, to love again. She was my world. Now she's gone and I'm stuck with idiots.

¨Harry?´´ A voice breaks me out of my thoughts. I shake my head and look up to see Liam giving me a concerned look.

´´You okay mate? You zoned out for a minute.¨ He tells me and I sigh.

´´Yeah I´m good.¨ No I'm not.

¨Are you sure?¨ He checks.

´´As sure as the sea is wet.¨ I say sarcastically.

¨Well the boys and I were wondering if you maybe wanted to go out tonight?¨ He suggests.

¨I think I´ll pass.¨ I say running a hand through my long hair.

´´You're lying.´´ He says.

´´Don't start with me Liam.´´ I warn him and he laughs bitterly.

¨I'm not starting anything, I'm just worried about you.´´ He mumbles.

´´Well stop because I´m fine.´´ I clench my fists.

¨You don't look fine Hazza.¨ I close my eyes in irritation.

¨You have five seconds to walk away.¨ I whisper. For what felt like eternity I heard a sigh and the sound of the door closing. Opening my eyes I look at the spot where Liam was once standing to find it empty. Smirking in victory I looked out the window, the New York air was crisp and bitter just how I liked it. I wasn't really a summer person but I did enjoy the cold, it brought me great comfort and joy. She always loved winter which was another reason why I enjoyed it. Don´t get me wrong I loved singing and the boys but deep down inside I just wanted it all to go away, just for a little bit. All of a sudden the door burst open and there stood my mother Anne, with a shocked expression on her face.

Here we go.

´´HARRY EDWARD STYLES!´´ She screams shutting the door behind her.

´´What is it mother?¨ I sigh really not in the mood for a lecture.

¨Liam just told me that you refused to leave this room.¨ She says and I huff.

´´That is very true.” I take out a cigarette.

´´Don´t you dare smoke that Harold!´´ She threatens and I chuckle.

´´What are you going to do? Ground me?´´ I tease.

´´You don´t talk to me like that.¨ She says.

´´Mother I am a grown man and I could do and say whatever I please.¨ I light the cigarette but as soon as I do she shoots me a deadly glare so I reluctantly put it out.

¨What happened to you? You're not the Harry that I remember.¨ She frowns.

¨No ´I´m not, now are you satisfied?¨ I get up from the couch.

¨No just disappointed.¨ She whispers.

´´You know you're starting to sound a lot like her.¨ I spit.

¨Good at least one of us does.¨ Her voice is low but I still hear her.

´´What? Care to repeat that?¨ I walk up to her.

¨She wouldn't approve of this behavior.¨ She looks at me in disgust.

´´Dead people don't want anything, that's one of the joys of being dead.¨ I say.

¨Whatever Harry, I'm going to go work and I suggest you do the same.¨ And with that she walks out the door leaving me alone once again.

I look down at the ground.

I failed you my love.

My Abby.

I promised that I was going to get better.

I guess I couldn't keep that promise.

Sometimes at the end of the day you have to live with your regrets and pray to god that they don´t catch up to you. I made a promise to her and I couldn't keep it so here's a word of advice: Don't try to do good, because if people see good they expect good, and I don't want to live up to anyone's expectations.

The End.

“My motivation for this story was because I want everyone to know what loss feels like. What it feels like to lose the one you love and how you feel after they're gone. It is important to cherish the people you have in your life because god knows how long you'll have them. Harry Styles was also my motivation because he is a very talented young man who I admire so much as an artist and a person, I am also a big fan of One Direction. I feel like if you experience grief long enough to the point where you are no longer yourself is the right time to become someone else, something else.”